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Any resemblance to characters either real or made-up, dead or living is purely incidental.

Nor is this a sketch having a pop at anyone with a stutter. The reason he can’t get his words out is because he is nervous.


Narrator – You’re trying to get your mate to church but you can’t get the words out…

Will – (Sitting in the room). Allright Gareth? I get so bored on Sundays. It’s so dull. TV sucks. What is there to do on a Sunday?

Gareth – (stutters). Mmm. I know what you mean, Will. Sunday can be boring. But my Sundays are OK really. You know I go to. Ch, ch, ch, Chelsea FC.

Will – You what? You go to Chelsea! Why do you want to go and do that? You support Liverpool… and Chelsea don’t play every Sunday, what do you do, go and stand outside on your own??

Gareth – No, no I mean. I don’t go to Chelsea.

Will – (looks a bit confused). Are you alright? You on medication? You say one thing and then say another. You need help mate..

Gareth – (Sitting down on stage). No – I was talking about Sundays. Would, would, would – wood! This is good quality wood isn’t it?

Will – I’m sorry? Wood? WOOD? I’ve heard of trainspotting but you’re even sadder – you’re a wood spotter. (Puts on a geeky voice and points to the stage). And here we have a remarkable specimen of wood.

Gareth – Yeah, yeah very funny. I’ll put you in for a comedy award shall I? ‘Worst impressionist of the year’ or something. I mean, would you li, li, would you lie to me?

Will – Erm, I’m not sure what you mean. I’d be lying to you if I said I thought you were sane.

Gareth – Not really. What I’m trying to say is that we have a you, you, you, yuletide meal in my house at Christmas.

Will – That’s nice for you.. so do we.. at Christmas.. which has just happened, remember.. (looks bemused)

Gareth – Not yuletide. We have a youth service at my local ch, ch, chip shop.

Will – (Pauses). I’m not convinced – but I think you appear to be a lunatic. You are making as much sense as the announcer at a train station (muffled impression).

Gareth – (Takes a deep breath). Do you want to come to the youth service at my church? It’s pretty good and there’s loads of people our age there

Will – Oh, is that what you were trying to say? Why didn’t you say so. Yeah – OK. I’m glad you asked. (X & Y walk off stage)

Narrator – If you’ve got something to say about Jesus speak it out. Don’t be shy. It may be your only chance.