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Stage directions

Scene – the church meeting (or whatever the equivalent is). All this time, a young person has their hand up but is continually ignored.

The sketch

Leader – Good evening. It’s 7.30pm, the time appointed by God for all meetings. Let us commence tonight’s business. Now the first thing on our agenda of 752 items is the small matter of changing the worship style at the church. Do we have any comments please? Erm, Mrs Fluffy..

Mrs Fluffy – Thank you leader. I wish to say this. We don’t want dance music – that is evil as it puts people into a trance. We don’t want heavy rock as this is the music of the devil. We don’t want guitars as I see no mention of this in the Bible. We don’t want that dirty rap kind of music either as it will breed violence and make people shoot each other.

Leader – Quite. Thank you Mrs Fluffy. Do we have anyone else. Ah yes, Mr Oldfruit

Mr Oldfruit – (In a broad Yorkshire accent). If t’organ was good enough for my father and his father before him, then it’s good enough for us.

Leader – A valuable contribution, thank you. Now, any other ideas.

Miss Peabrain – (Very posh). I think one should not have any kind of loud music in ones church. It’s just, so, well, continental. I really think it’s quite offensive to the Lord, all this jumping around and making fools of oneselves. This should be left away from our churches.

Leader – Miss Peabody. Words of great wisdom indeed. Now, Mr Foxandtoad, over to you.

Mr Foxandtoad – Fashions come and fashions go. The Bible stays the same and so should our way of worship. There’s no point in following this idea or that idea. They come and go. We’d be changing music every day if these young uns got their way.

Leader – (Nodding head enthusiastically). Mr Foxandtoad, again, your words are bringing real clarity to this dirty situation. Thank you.

Mrs Fluffy – And another thing, church is about the worship of God through the music we already have. We don’t want different kinds of styles. That wouldn’t be church. It wouldn’t correctly reflect the loveliness and fluffiness of our churches. We should only use the organ as that is the music we already have. Don’t we have more important things to talk about?

Leader – Fluffy by name and fluffy by nature, thank you deeply Mrs Fluffy.

Miss Peabrain – (Very posh). And another thing I’ve noticed. The music is often far too loud in these modern kinds of churches, what.. it hurts ones ears don’t you know. The organ is quite loud enough already.

Mr Oldfruit – (In a broad Yorkshire accent). I can’t always hear t’organ.. it needs a bit of fine tuning. I think the middle C note could do with replacing. We should make a decision about that.

Leader – (Dramatically). The Middle C note needs replacing!? Do I have this as a proposal Mr Oldfruit?

Mr Oldfruit – (In a broad Yorkshire accent). You do that.

Leader – And do I have someone here who can second the motion?

Mr Foxandtoad – I’ll second the motion

Leader – Let’s vote. All those in favour? (Leaders hand and 4 people’s hands go up. Young person’s hand goes down).

Leader – Right, quickly moving on..

(Young person looks disgusted – tries to protest but leader quickly speaks..)

We’ve had a motion about whether we should make a decision. Now let’s make a decision about replacing the C note on the organ. Does anyone want to head up a motion for this?

Mrs Fluffy – (raises her hand)

Leader – And a seconder for the motion?

Miss Peabrain – (raises her hand).

Leader – Let’s vote. All those in favour? (Leaders hand and 4 people’s hands go up. Young person’s hand stays down).

(Young person looks disgusted – tries to protest but leader quickly speaks..)

Leader – Excellent. This is good stuff. We’ve had a discussion about whether to have a discussion. And we’ve had a discussion about whether we have a discussion about repairing the organ. Now, we need to have a discussion about whether we change the C note on the organ.

Mr Oldfruit – (In a broad Yorkshire accent). I propose we change the C note.

Mr Foxandtoad – I’ll second that motion

Leader – OK, so the motion is that we replace the faulty key. All those in favour?

(Leaders hand and 4 people’s hands go up. Young person’s hand stays down).

Leader – Good, good. Now about changing the worship style..

Young person – (Can stand no more). You’ve ignored me all night. I’ve got something to say..

Miss Peabrain – (Very posh). I’m sure you have but when you’re older you’ll understand things aren’t as simple as your young brain thinks they are so pipe down dear..

Young person – (Getting annoyed). Hello-o..? You’ve taken 10- minutes to decide whether to replace a note on a stupid organ but you won’t listen to me about changing our style of music… I think this is kind of more important…

Mr Oldfruit – (Disgusted. In a broad Yorkshire accent). More important?!?!

Young person – Hello? This is 2004 nearly and people are walking past our church every day.. we’re not asking you to change the Gospel but the way we present the Good news… I mean, what’s more important – communicating Jesus or tradition?

Leader – I think we’ve heard quite enough from you… all those in favour of a motion that we evict this young rascal?

(All hands go up except young person’s hand)

Leader – And all those in favour thereby of removing said youth from the meeting?

(All hands go up – including young person’s hand. Young person leaves, slamming door)

Leader – Excellent. Now, onto important matters… the church flowers…


Questions – This sketch is about changing worship styles..

1. What do you think about this subject?
2. What about the subject of general change in our churches?
3. What about the way the young person is treated in the sketch? What’s your experience?
4. I like the last line the young person says, ‘What’s more important – communicating Jesus or tradition’?
5. What really matters in our churches?
6. Is it true that we shouldn’t jump around and worship God?
7. Are the old duffers in the sketch correct in saying that we shouldn’t use relevant styles of music?
8. Do ‘older’ people really think this way?!
9. What does worship really mean?
10. How do we react when our church has worship music styles we don’t engage with? Can we still worship God?