NCIS – National Christian Intelligence Service
Characters: Gibbs, Ducky (wearing white laboratory coat), Abby (also wearing white laboratory coat and carrying an iPad or laptop), Pastor (stick a dog collar on the pastor to show what he is). You’ll need to take some photos of the ‘Pastor’ and print them up onto paper (old skool I know…) The Pastor is sat down at a table. The table has a chair either side.
(Pastor is dragged into the room by Gibbs. Sitting in the room, looking on seriously are Ducky and Abby).
Pastor – (protesting). But.. I don’t understand.. What have I done?
Gibbs – We’ve been a bit worried about you Pastor.
Pastor – What do you mean?
Gibbs – (Throws down a picture on the table). We’ve got photos of you so don’t mess us around.
Pastor – (Picks up the picture, looks at it then throws it down and holds head in hands).
Ducky – Pastor, I’m afraid the evidence is there in spades. I’ve even taken a forensic look and I’m afraid you’ve been found out. Abby here has been doing some digging and the results are very telling.
Abby – We’ve done a search on your online activities Pastor and the trail is impossible to deny. We’ve located things to your IP address and the photos don’t lie. I’ve even searched against the NCIS database.
Gibbs – So what do you say… Pastor?
Pastor – What can I say? I admit it. I confess.
Gibbs – Confess what Pastor? Say it.
Pastor – I… I…
Ducky – If you’d prefer, we could go into my lab and I could perform some tests on you. Abby, you do have those electrical wires that measure brainwaves don’t you?
Abby – I sure do Ducky. I can’t guarantee there won’t be some pain but usually the person manages to walk out of the lab. Usually….
Gibbs – Pastor. There are two ways we can play this… (Up in the face of the Pastor and whispers slightly menacingly). You can come clean and make a full confession. Or we can use other means.
Pastor – (Terrified). What do you mean ‘other means’? I’ve done nothing wrong.
Ducky – Ah, (looks at Gibbs) Jethro, this man is playing games. A word in your ear…
(Ducky and Gibbs move to the side of the room and whispers, looking at the Pastor. Abby circles the Pastor and pretends to massage the Pastor’s shoulders but with slight menace).
Abby – I’m not someone who likes violence. But I’m not someone who likes people to try to get away with things. It’s your Christian duty to confess.
(Ducky and Gibbs return to the table).
Gibbs – (screws up the photo and throws it down). You are a coward. A man would come clean and speak the truth. But you are acting like a loser.
Abby – You’re not acting like a Christian.
Ducky – Very true Abby. Pastor, think for a minute about your church and all those people there. It would be a terrible shame if we were to tell them the truth wouldn’t it. Just imagine if they found out…
Pastor – (horrified). You wouldn’t…?
Ducky – Don’t put anything past Jethro. He won’t break the law. But he will break you…
Gibbs – Our job here at NCIS is finding out the truth. We will get to the bottom of this and you will make a confession. The truth. Do you hear that? Do you believe in the truth?
Abby – The truth will always find you out.
Ducky – I remember an old case back in the old days. We had someone come in just like you. They thought they could get away with it. But they didn’t. Their constant prevarication and subterfuge was their own un-doing. In trying to hide the truth, they destroyed themselves. Lying only eats you up inside Pastor.
(Silence in the room. All eyes on the Pastor).
Abby – Gibbs do you want to me bring in the electrical equipment and hook him up?
Pastor – No! No! Please. It’s OK… I’ll confess…
(Abby, Ducky and Gibbs all move in and lean in towards the Pastor).
Pastor – I’m, I’m… I mean. I’m… OK, I’ll say it. I’m a Christian and I believe in Jesus.
(Abby, Ducky and Gibbs all stand up, satisfied).
Gibbs – (Turns to the audience). So what about you? Would there be enough evidence to convict you of being a Christian?