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Stage directions

Two actors – just Peter and his brother Andrew. Only ‘props’ really needed are two chairs to represent their ‘boat’. Purpose of sketch is a bit of fun (as usual) and the point that Jesus changes everything.

Thanks to Andy Hood for the idea.

The sketch

Peter – So what are we going to do today? I don’t feel in the mood for doing much.

Andrew – Er, fishing.. As we talked about last night…

Peter – Sounds good. It’s been a while since I’ve been fishing for fish. I need to practice my techniques again.

Andrew – Very true! (Peter looks a bit offended). OK so it’s hi ho, back to fish fishing we go. OK, so Peter have you got the nets?

Peter – The nets? 

Andrew – Yes, the nets. You know, the things we use to go fishing… The nets I told you to fix last night and you promised you’d mend them. A net is quite important for fishing…

Peter – Ah, those nets. Well I’ve had a lot on my mind. Fix your own nets.

Andrew – But they’re our nets.

Peter – But they’re in a right state, frayed everywhere. Get Mary in, she’s good at sewing.

Andrew – Well they hardly been used for like 3 years since we met Jesus… That’s why I asked you to mend them! You see, a good net comes without huge holes in it. Big holes mean fishies escape. Small holes mean we catch fishies…

Peter – Yes, yes, I know. I know how to go fishing…

Andrew – (raises his eyebrows). I seriously hope you get your fishing techniques sorted today. Since we lost Jesus, your fishing seems to have got worse again.

Peter – What’s that supposed to mean?

Andrew – Well, I mean the first time we saw Jesus while we were fishing he was obviously concerned about your fishing technique.

Peter – No he wasn’t !

Andrew – Why else would he call us away and say he’d make us fishers of men? I mean let’s face it, we’ve never been good fishermen have we? And last time we were out fishing before Jesus walked past, you’d wrecked the net again, remember? You tried to throw the net out and got half of it caught in the sails… You tried to get the net out and pulled the sails down. We had to paddle back to shore using the broken sail as a paddle…

Peter – (laughs). Ah yes, funny days! But you’re messing with me. Jesus called us because he had a purpose for us. You know that !

Andrew – Chill out, I messing with you. But we haven’t always been successful have we?!

Peter – Not always. It was a bit embarrassing that one time!

Andrew – That one time! It’s always embarrassing. Remember when we took those tourists out? Just the blokes. Those ones who were on a package tour of Israel wanting to see the Holy Land?

Peter – (laughs) Yes that was funny. The Galilee Tourist Board was advertising fishing tours, (pretends to write the words with his hands and speaks in a posh voice) “Guaranteed fish or your money back…”

Andrew – That was a stupid strapline! Those men were out fishing for their wives all bragging they’d come back and cook some fish on the beach but they didn’t catch a thing! 

Peter – Yeah we had to buy some fish in the market and they took them proudly to their wives saying they’d caught the fish.

Andrew – (laughing) Yes, think the wives sussed it through. Think taking along frozen fish saying you’ve just caught it in Lake Galilee in July is a bit of a give away…

Peter – (laughing) Yeah and then there was that time we’d been fishing all night and caught nothing.

Andrew – That’s because you fell asleep. I told you not to eat all that unleavened bread before we went out fishing. We should’ve caught loads of fish at night but caught nothing.

Peter – OK, OK so I fell asleep. At least I wasn’t the one throwing up over the side with sea sickness…

Andrew – That was a dodgy oyster I’d eaten…

Peter – Yeah, yeah (both laughing). But we didn’t catch anything and then Jesus just spoke a word to us (They both stop laughing). Just one word and things changed..

(Pause as they both think)

Andrew – Just like when he first called us…

Peter – He said, “Put out into deep water and let the nets down for a catch.” I thought he was bonkers. We’d been fishing all night and he said try again. I thought – “we’ve been trying all night.” But because Jesus said it, I let the nets down. Didn’t even get caught in the sails!

Andrew – (Remembering). We had so many fish it was awesome. The nets started to break. We had to get James and John to come and help us.

Peter – Then both our boats started to sink, we had to make a charge to get back to the beach!

Andrew – I remember we were all in total awe of Jesus. You fell down at the feet of Jesus saying “Get away from me Lord, I’m a sinner”. But Jesus just told us not to be afraid and that we’d catch people from now on.

Peter – I didn’t really understand what he was on about. Some fishermen we are. We’re out fishing all night and this carpenter comes along and tells us how to do our job! Joke!

Andrew – (laughing) Yes true. We’re not great fishermen. But it was like a sign. Without Jesus there was nothing, but with him there was so much it was overflowing. I miss Jesus.

Peter – Me too. Life seems so empty without him…. (pause)

(Peter looks up).

I see the other lads are coming fishing… Thomas, Didymus, James, John and the other lads. Ah, the old posse back together for some fishing. (Shouts) Allright lads, ready for some fishing?! We’ll see you out there!

(Mime pushing out the boat and sailing, maybe use two chairs to represent the ‘boat’. Every so often move the chairs together to another angle. All the time, mime throwing out the nets, waiting briefly and then dragging the nets back in).

Peter – Rubbish! We’re not catching anything again.

Andrew – (shouts) James, John – you guys caught anything? What’s that? Nothing! 

(They throw their net onto the left side of the boat)

Peter  (sees something in the distance. Speaks to Andrew). Did you just hear someone saying something?

Andrew – Yes I thought I heard a voice. Where are they? What are they saying?

Peter – It’s someone shouting at us from the beach. Quiet a minute… (Shouts towards the voice) What’s that? Say again? (Pause as listens, then turns to Andrew). He’s asking us if we’ve caught any fish.

Andrew – Is it one of the guys from the other boats?

Peter – I don’t think so. The voice sounds a bit familiar but I don’t know… (Shouts) No, we’ve caught nothing… (short pause as Peter listens to the voice)

Andrew –What’s he saying now?

Peter – He says to throw the net onto the right side of the boat and we’ll find some fish.

Andrew – Whatever. Let’s do it.

(They haul in the net and throw it onto the right. They wait briefly and then ad lib about how full the net is, how many fish there are. They start tugging the net back into the boat).

Peter – (Shouts) It’s Jesus! It’s Jesus! Telling us how to do our job again! It’s Jesus (jumps out the boat towards the voice – Jesus)

Andrew – (tugs the last part of the net into the boat and sits back). It’s Jesus.