Pastor – (walks into church – an empty space). What’s going on? Where is everything?
Holy Harry – Pastor. Glad you’re here. I’ve been cleaning out the idols from the church
Pastor – What do you mean – cleaning out the idols, we don’t have any to clean
Holy Harry – Ah, that’s where you’re wrong Pastor. For starters I’ve got rid of the organ
Pastor – Got rid of the organ? Why? I was going to sell that.
Holy Harry – Ah precisely. Lusting after money. It was idolatrous. I mean, the Bible says we’ll be praising God in heaven and let’s face it, it won’t be with that organ!
Pastor – (getting more worried). And where, may I ask, is the deacons table?
Holy Harry – Gone
Pastor – Gone?
Holy Harry – Yes, gone. Along with the deacons.
Pastor – What do you mean?
Holy Harry – Well pastor, I felt it was time for a change. The table had wooden carvings on. That’s basically idolatry.
Pastor – Idolatry? What are you talking about you lunatic? What have you done with the deacons?
Holy Harry – Well, they’ve gone with the table.
Pastor – Where?
Holy Harry – To a good home. I’ve sold them.. I got an extra tenner.
Pastor – Result. What mug bought them…
Holy Harry – Z Church (replace with local friendly rivalry church).
Pastor – Z Church (replace with local friendly rivalry church)? But don’t worry, we can use the money to repair the stained glass window!
Holy Harry – No we can’t..
Pastor – Why not?
Holy Harry – I’ve sold it.
Pastor – Really, how much did you get for it.. I mean what?
Holy Harry – Well, when I say sold, I mean, smashed.
Pastor – Smashed?
Holy Harry – Yes. Jesus was both fully God and fully human, not fully glass
Pastor – Harry.
Holy Harry – Yes, Pastor.
Pastor – The carpet’s gone. And where’s the baptistry?
Holy Harry – I was going to come to that Pastor. I felt the carpet needed to go. I was reading through Leviticus and was shocked to find that the stone Temple in 4000 BC Israel didn’t have a carpet.
Pastor – And? I must say I’m wondering whether to pick up the phone and have you committed.
Holy Harry – No, it’s OK Pastor. There’s no need for that. I’m already committed to the ways of the Lord. Now, where was I? Oh yes, the baptistry has gone.
Pastor – (joking). Oh good, I suppose that was because we should be baptising people in the Jordan River only because that’s what Jesus did.
Holy Harry – (shocked). So, you feel the same way too Pastor. Well, I’m glad you’re beginning to see things my way at last.
Pastor – I need a drink.. the kitchen’s gone…
Holy Harry – (smiles). Have a little faith Pastor. For, after all, does it not say in Matthew’s Gospel that Jesus fed the 5000 with merely 5 loaves and 2 fishes..?
Pastor – (slowly and hesitantly, not knowing what to expect next). Yes.
Harry – So I got rid of the kitchen. And have been fishing.
Pastor – Harry. So far you’ve told me how and why you’ve got rid of the organ, the deacons table, the deacons, the baptistry, the carpet and the kitchen. But where’s the roof?
Holy Harry – Pastor, Pastor. Does not the good book say ‘lift your eyes to the Lord’. And the roof was in the way. So I got rid of it..
Pastor – (head in hands). What else has gone? Where’s my ‘Tom Jones does Graham Kendrick’ worship CD?
Holy Harry – Burned Pastor.
Pastor – Burned???
Holy Harry – Along with Tom Jones.
Pastor – OK so you’ve got rid of everything that’s dear to me apart from my wife. What about her?
Holy Harry – Oh don’t worry Pastor, no-one worships her…