A Christmas Sketch
Sketch involves 3 Shepherds and 2 Angels
Shepherd 1 - (Sighs). What a job this is...
Shepherd 2 - What's up with you grumpy?
Shepherd 1 - Well, just think about the hours and the working conditions. Working nights all week, and just Sundays off. We don't even get paid overtime for our night work. And what about the sleeping conditions? Some people get a fluffy stable with plenty of straw, a hay pillow. What about us? A stone for a pillow, if you can find one the sheep haven't been to the toilet on, and for a duvet it's the night sky. Great. We should get health & safety out..
Shepherd 3 - Your problem is that you're too negative. I mean, think about it. The night sky, the stars, the moon, the fresh air... It's so romantic.
Shepherd 1 - You call wandering around with a flock of stinking sheep, 'fresh air' and 'romantic'?
Shepherd 3 - Listen to yourself. Some people would love this job. I love my job, my life but most of all my wife.
Shepherd 1 – Strewth. They'd be welcome to it. I mean take my friend Capernaus the Carpenter. He's got his own place, a nice shack with a roof on. Deluxe office space in the centre of Bethlehem, owns his own place. Nice little number he's got there.
Shepherd 2 - Nice little number? You mean his wife? Did you say she had any sisters..?
Shepherd 1 - (Shudders). Not likely. His 2 sisters are to the world of women what being a shepherd is to the world of male fragrances..
Shepherd 2 - Pity. I was thinking of marrying into the family if they had a nice business..
Shepherd 3 - I love my wife. She's the best.
Shepherd 1 - Hear we go, Mr and Mrs Shepherd again. Just rub it in, why don't you. As much chance as meeting a bunch of women up here as there is of getting a pay rise from the Shepherd Agency. I'm looking for another job, had enough of this.
Shepherd 2 - What's made you think this way so suddenly?
Shepherd 1 - Just think about what we do. The other night I was with the sheep up the hill near Bethlehem Public Park. Suddenly some great lion popped up after one of the sheep. You know the deal, 10 shekels off the wages if we lose a sheep. So I reached for my shepherd's crook. Not exactly a great weapon is it. I mean, a pole with a hook on the end. I went towards the lion to scare it off. It took one look at me and left..
Shepherd 2 - It just went?! Surely you succeeded then?
Shepherd 1 - Not exactly. It took one look at the crook and I swear it started laughing. Laughed so hard it had to walk off, nearly fell over. Bet he went back and told his mates. ‘Oy lads, you never guess what. There’s this muppet in a big dress waving a stick at me. We’ll go back and eat him tomorrow..’
Shepherd 2 - I've heard the shepherds over in Jerusalem have got the new Crook, the Schwarzenegger Model. Hook on the end, a retractable blade, all in a neat foldaway light aluminium frame.
Shepherd 1 - We'll never get one of them. I'm surprised they give us anything except a stick. Took us long enough to get one with a hook at the end..
Shepherd 2 - So where are we taking the sheep tonight?
Shepherd 3 - I think we've just been asked to keep them up here on the hill. The town looks beautiful at night, so romantic. I should bring my lovely lady up here some time. We could watch the sun set, and dance away to the poetry of the night sky. (sits down and thinks, lost in love).
(Shepherd 1 and 2 look at each other - shake their heads and pretend to be sick)
Shepherd 1 - Man, listening to you makes me want to puke. Just look at us, 3 loners stuck up on a hill, with a hippy cloak dress thing each, a bandana and an elastic band around our heads, sat in mud. That should act as adequate defence against the winter snow, lions, bandits - and be a real selling point to pull the ladies.. We look ridiculous.
Shepherd 2 - True but it's tradition ain't it. Union regulations.
Shepherd 1 - I want a new uniform. Those Roman soldiers have the right idea, nice pair of sandals with 3 stripes on, protective head-gear and a sword.
Shepherd 2 - Yeah, but they do have to wear a male skirt. You'll never pull wearing them.
Shepherd 1 – Male skirt? Haha. I’m surprised they’ve won any battles dressed like that. Mind you, if a bloke came running towards me wearing a skirt, I'd run off..
Shepherd 3 - (sighs, still in love...)
Shepherd 1 - Look at lover boy there. Still, at least he has someone to talk to. I mean, who are our best friends? Sheep. I mean, what a conversation..
(Fakes a conversation between him and a sheep) -
'Hey sheep how's it going?' - 'Baaa' - 'I see. How's the family?' - 'Baaa' - 'Really? Going anywhere on holiday this year. I'm off to another hill.' - 'Baaa' - 'So, been anywhere interesting recently?' - 'Baaaa' - 'Do you say anything except baaa?' - 'Baaa'.. Man..! Not exactly a riveting conversation is it.
Shepherd 2 - What is that light in the sky?
Shepherd 1 - Oh strewth, not another comet. Lost my packed lunch to one of those last year. Left it on a rock in the middle of a hill as the comet fell. And where do you think the comet fell? Yep, right on the packed lunch. I brought a nice salad, egg and some ham and bread. What did I end up eating? A fry up with toast..
Shepherd 3 - (Jumps up). That light is bright, as bright as my love for my wife.
Shepherd 1 - (Tries to muffle Shepherd 3). Shut it would you..
Shepherd 2 - There are people in that cloud of light.
Shepherd 1 - Oh no, another case of Shepherd Flu, you're seeing things, sends you mad. I had that last week. Ended taking the sheep into the local synagogue and asking the head pharisee to pray for them. That was embarrassing and annoying. Especially when he did pray for them and then charged me sheep tax for having the sheep in town..
Wait a minute, you're right, what is that noise...
(Cue angelic music as 2 female angels waft onto the stage. They come on singing a song that people in your church can laugh about, we chose a song by the church worship leader!)
Shepherd 1 - What is that music? It's that infernal modern worship music isn't it. Oh no, this one’s by Lufkin isn’t it? Absolutely no melody, not like the old hymnal classics..
(Get Shepherd 1 and Shepherd 2 discusing the music in some detail, lightly ridiculing the song)
Shepherd 3 - I quite like it actually, pretty rocky. Reminds me of my wedding music.
Shepherd 2 - Lads, these look like some heavenly beings, we'd better bow down in case...
Angel 1 - Glory to God in heaven and peace to all men on earth. Hail to you oh faithful shepherds. We come bearing news of glad tidings...
Shepherd 2 - (Looks up) What's the good news? You've come to marry me?
Angel 2 - Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger
Shepherd 1 - Typical, he gets a decent set of clothes and a nice bed, what about us..?
Shepherd 2 - (whispers). Shut it will you.
Angel 1 - Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests. Go now to see the baby boy.
(Angels waft off the stage, singing an appropriate song. Shepherds stand up as they leave).
Shepherd 1 – Absolutely typical.. The one time there are some fit women up here on the hill and they leave before I get their number..
Shepherd 3 - Wow, truly they were sent from God. They were as heavenly and angelic as my beautiful wife. She's the best. Have I ever told you how perfectly lovely she is?
(Shepherd 1 and 2 stop and stare at Shepherd 3).
Shepherd 3 - What?
Shepherd 1 and 2 (together) - Shut it!!
Shepherd 2 - Come on, let's go and find the baby.
Shepherd 1 – Let’s go. Now, which way did those angels go..?
(Shepherds all exit stage)
Not exactly sure what the spiritual side of this sketch is, but sometimes it's good to have fun - and if you're a youth worker, you can make points out of any tenuous link. Right? :)