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saltandlight

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Notes

This is a sketch looking at the Biblical principle of being Salt and Light found in Matthew 5.13-16. It is set as a couple of slightly eccentric professors.

You will need to film this sketch and play it back rather than perform it live. The editing and staging prompts are included

Sketch

(Set in a 'studio' with a table. 2 professors behind the table. Film at night time when it is dark outside)

Prof 1 - Today we're looking at salt and light. 2 things we need, that make the world go round..

Prof 2 - That's right. We'll start by looking at salt, or as I like to call it, 'H20'

Prof 1 - But that's the formula for water..

Prof 2 - I know, my little joke. But seriously. Salt - or as clever people like to call it, 'sodium chloride'. (Looks us at audience or camera). So, looking at you guys, you can call it salt.

Prof 1 - (Holds up a bag of salt). No, this isn't a bag of dandruff I filled earlier before washing my hair, although I did add a few bits. No, this is a bag of salt. It has many uses. One use for it is to use on a dinner to make the dinner salty. (Has a plate with a meal on and covers the entire meal in salt). Of course, some people like less salt on their meals.

Prof 2 - Another use for salt is when it's icy.

(Cut to outside shot. Car is revving but not going anywhere).

This car isn't going anywhere. It's stuck in the ice. (Adds a sprinkle of salt under a couple wheels. Car then accelerates away. Camera follows car briefly then pans back to Prof 2). Salt makes the ice melt and the car can drive away. (Sound effect of car smashing into a wall. Prof 2 winces). I'd now better go see if Professor 1 is OK. (Walks off in direction of where car went. Camera doesn't follow)

(Cut back to the 'studio')

Prof 1 - (With bandaged head across entire top of head). Another use for salt is for cleaning wounds. (Professor 2 pours bag of salt over Professor 1's head). Ah, I feel much better now. (Takes off head bandage). It's a miracle.

Prof 2 - I hope that demonstrates just a little bit about salt.

Prof 1 and 2 together - We like salt. (Stand there grinning, stroking bag of salt for a minute then snap out of it).

Prof 1 - Now where were we? Ahh yes. The next thing we're looking at is light.

Prof 2 - Light is the opposite of dark. For those who don't know.

Prof 1 - (Shaking head). Of course it is you fool. That's as obvious as saying x plus c divided by (a+b-c) over the square root of the prime numbers of the xeon system is the opposite of the mathematical formula of z plus i squared = hen. Everyone knows that.

Prof 2 - (Looks dubious). Erm, yeh.. right..

Prof 1 - Light. It has many purposes. It keeps people warm.

Prof 2 - (Cut to another scene. Standing in a dimly lit room so you can see him. Wearing a coat, shivering. Speaks very mechanically). Brrr, I'm very cold.

Prof 1 - (Turns on the light).

Prof 2 - (Takes his coat off). Ahh the light of the sun, it makes me feel so warm and happy..

(Both Professors start dancing around to the chart pop tune - Cheeky Girls, 'It's a Cheeky Holiday' or something similar)
(Cut back to the studio).

Prof 1 - Another essential of light is that it cannot be put out by the dark. Puts a black bulb in a lamp and turns it on (just paint an old bulb black). This dark lamp does not put out the light. However, if we put in a white bulb (does that) and then turn the lights off.

(Lights go off, to Prof 2's hysterical shrieks of fear. Professor turns lamp on and holds lamp so it points up onto his face - then points it at a blubbering Prof 2 who is sucking his thumb. Then brings the lamp back to under his own face)

Prof 1 - As I was saying, you'll see the light puts out the dark. And that's important.

(Main lights go back on)

Prof 2 - Light is needed for plants and things to grow.

(Cut to outside shot done earlier. Film Prof 2 next to a small plant). Here is a small plant. It has not had enough sun. (Cut to Prof 2 standing next to some massive trees). This plant has had lots of sun. It has grown very tall.

(Cut back to the 'studio')

Prof 1 - So that concludes our study of salt and light.

Prof 2 - Join us next week when we'll be looking at fish and chips..

(Prof 1 and 2 wave as camera pans back and/or moves backwards. If you can add funny titles going up the screen as in the end of a TV program or movie. Fade to black.)

Funny Titles to go on screen in film edit -

Professor 1 - Professor Wan
Professor 2 - Professor T.O

Any resemblance to any mad professors either living, dead or in any other state is purely incidental.

Our thanks to Salt, Light, and other assorted vegetation. Also to the Casualty Department for their bandaging skills.

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