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roof

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The Roof - sketch from Luke 5.17-26, paralyzed man

The sketch is a person-to-person interview between an insurance claims person and the owner of the house. The house owner is claiming insurance for the hole in the roof.

The sketch needs 2 actors who can be male or female (change 'sir' to 'madam' !!) They can be standing or sitting, so can be done by anyone. This can be done 'in person' or 'over the phone'.

Sketch

Insurance Claims Person (ICP) - Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Galilee Insurance Services, home claims division. How may we help?

House Owner (HO) - Well, I've got a slightly unusual claim.

ICP - Well, sir you know our motto, 'A good deal better'. We do deal with some interesting claims. It was only last week when someone came in here claiming a camel parked outside the house had pulled down the outer wall. Then there was the interesting case of the house built by a dodgy builder. He used a sandy foundation and when there was a flood, the house collapsed.

HO - That makes me feel a little better because I doubt you've come across a claim like mine.

ICP - I see, sir. Well, what happened.

HO - It was that man Jesus. He stopped by at my house.

ICP - Say no more, sir. Don't tell me, you want to sell your house and make it known that Jesus was there so you get a higher value. Well, I'm afraid you need to see an estate agent (realtor)..

HO - Not exactly. After Jesus visited, my house was, er, a little different.

ICP - If what I hear about Jesus is true, I imagine your house is different. I'm not a believer yet, but I hear Jesus touches people's lives in unique ways. I only heard from a friend the other week that a family member was blind. Jesus came past and spat in his eyes. Very strange behaviour. The man was healed. Jesus didn't spit on your house did he sir? Are you suing for graffiti?

HO - Actually, it wasn't Jesus that did anything to my house. I mean, I had a few people in the house..

ICP - (Winks). I see, sir. You've had house problems because you had a few too many people in the house. If you slip me a few shekels, I'm sure I'll be able to overlook that and ahem, make sure your claim is successful. (Looks around and opens out his hand, expecting payment).

HO - Nope. It's not that either. You see, I have a problem with my roof..

ICP - I know what happened. You started worshipping God. Someone got out a guitar, then someone came along with a cymbal, a harp.. All of a sudden, there's all this loud music and the roof caves in. Funny you mention it. I just dealt with a similar claim from a man claiming the rantings of someone near his house had caused his wall to collapse. Funny case that one..

HO - No, it's more that someone dismantled my roof.

ICP - (Interrupts again) - Say no more.. The youths these days. When I was younger there was more respect. These days they're all off down by the shores of the Sea of Galilee raving to that stringed instrument dance music. If they're not doing that, they're on the roofs of people's houses doing parkour (free running) and up to all kinds of mischief..

HO - Well, this was a bit more than that. There were these men who came with a friend on a stretcher and couldn't get into my house. They took him on the roof..

ICP - Did they drop him through the roof by accident? Did he fall off his stretcher and crash through the ceiling? Or did one of them slip? Give me the gossip.. Are they OK? I can put you in touch with our legal claims division if they're making a claim against you, or if you'd like to sue them..?

HO - It's not that - because Jesus was here, these men brought their friend to get healed..

ICP - They brought him to get healed and dropped him through the roof? That's an interesting way of doing things.. Did it work?! I expect Jesus did need to heal him after they dropped him! In fact, he was probably allright before they dropped him.. With friends like that who needs enemies!!

HO - Er, no.. What happened was they started taking apart my roof to get him down through the roof to Jesus.

ICP - So, you were down there with a house full of people and suddenly these guys started taking your roof apart? What about the structural integrity of the house? Did they even stop to think about health and safety? Had they done a risk assessment? People these days make me sick. No thought to the risks for others.. (shakes his head in disgust).

HO - I did start to wonder what was going on when we heard a scratching and digging sound from above and suddenly bits of my roof started falling onto us..

ICP - Vandals!! I can give Extreme Makeover: Israel Home Edition a call if you like..?

HO - Er, no thanks. It's just that they were so keen to see their friend healed by Jesus. They were desperate. They did whatever it took to get their friend healed.

ICP - (Shocked into silence).. So.. Did Jesus heal him?

HO - Did he ever. He healed him and then he said his sins were forgiven. This guy was jumping around like a kangaroo (in mating season <- add or remove as you feel led).

ICP - Incredible!

HO - The guy took up his mat and started dancing around, praising God. Next thing, him and his friends had danced off down the street..

ICP - Typical. Probably off to one of those raves down at the beach..

HO - Who knows. But it does leave me with problem. My roof. Or lack of roof.

ICP - NO wonder they ran off. The guy wasn't healed, he just realised he'd wrecked your roof and didn't have any money to pay for it. Probably some stunt. There wasn't anyone there from Galilee TV was there..?

HO - I don't think so. But what about my insurance claim?

ICP - Sorry sir. I can't pay, it's not covered.

HO - Why not?!

ICP - It was an act of God. You said so yourself. Good day sir. (Walks off / puts phone down, as appropriate)

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