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Leadership Household

NOTE - There's nothing dodgy about the sketch - it deliberately parodies a leadership meeting by basically completely inverting everything you think a leadership team meeting should be about. The purpose of this is just for fun, no agendas. You can make the point of how important leadership is, how essential agreement is and raise issues around church and teams working together.

Sketch

(Video start with parody of Big Brother music and logo. Voice over in Geordie Accent – “Today in the Leadership Team Household…” (replace with "team / leadership / deaconate / parish meeting")

Doris – Thanks for coming team, I guess we’d better start in prayer for once.

(Everyone roles their eyes)

Faith – Prayer? I don’t want to pray, I don’t like praying. Why do we have to pray?

Henry – Faith, we have to pray. It says something about it in the Bible I think.

Barry(sits there yawning, under his baseball hat)

Faith(Folds arms annoyed). Well I’m not praying and that’s that.

Hope – I’ll pray. Lord we pray for this meeting. Amen.

(Everyone congratulates Hope on an excellent prayer)

Doris – I need to start. I’m worried about dear Lizzie (replace with name of a very loud or outgoing person in your church). She’s so quiet, quiet as a mouse. Someone needs to help her open up a bit so she speaks out a bit more.

(Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement)

Barry - Well I need to talk about Andrew. I’ve noticed that he never seems to say 'Amen'.

(Everyone goes quiet, tuts and says things like ‘shame’)

Doris – I know you shouldn't gossip, but I did hear Mavis say to Jackie that she'd heard that Pauline had been seen in a pub drinking.

(Everyone goes quiet, tuts and says things like ‘shame’)

Henry – And I need to bring to everyone's attention that last week, a notice was put on the notice table without official approval of the notice sheet table organising committee.

(Everyone goes quiet, tuts and says things like ‘shame’)

If this carries on, we'll seriously have to consider a new "putting notices on the notice sheet table without official approval of the authorised notice sheet table organising committee" policy. It's either that or having CCTV pointing down on the table.

Barry - We don't need policies. If we find the culprits, we'll just chop their fingers off, Middle Eastern justice style.

Cuthbert – Hmmm... I’d like to talk about the colour of the crockery at church. I think a light pastel green would be nice for everything.

Hope – I’d like a bright pink colour.

Faith – I’d like to get some nice yellow plates with pictures of little fluffy sheep.

Doris – Well, we’ll need to get agreement in this otherwise we can’t move forward. Henry?

Henry – It’s important to understand what each colour means. Red can be very threatening. Blue is heavenly. Green is a more environmentally sensitive colour.

Barry – Boring!! I think we should eat out of mess tins. If it’s good enough for the British Army, it’s good enough for me.

Doris – We’ll postpone this to the next agenda as it’s an important spiritual decision.

(Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement)

Barry – I’d like to talk about worship. It’s getting far too modern and contemporary. All this rock music and hippity-hop music. Ridiculous. Can’t find that in the Bible. I say, bring back the organ!! (Bangs fist on table)

Cuthbert – Well Barry, strictly speaking you can’t find the organ in the Bible, although you do find rocks. In fact Moses played his rod on a rock. Maybe we should move to harp and lyre-based worship.

Barry - If it was good enough for King David then it's good enough for me! Besides, Moses' rock music got him into trouble with God.

Henry – I’d quite like to do a ribbon dance in worship with an expressive dance.

Faith – That would be lovely Henry. You’d look so lovely in a tutu.

(Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement except Barry who rolls his eyes)

Barry – You woman, Henry. I’m just glad that we got those 2 previous team members off the team. I mean, they were always talking about evangelism and world mission. I mean, what do they think we are? A church?

Hope(Ignores Barry's comment). On that note, I’d like to bring up another topic. The speakers we have at our church. It’s so boring. They always talk about the Bible. Why can’t we have some other books to talk about?

Doris – What other books would people like to hear from?

Henry – I quite like Shawn the Sheep (replace with a children's cartoon or similar)

(Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement)

Faith – I’d like everyone in the church to read a book and then come together and discuss the book. I suggest we start with a romantic Christian novel. (Lost in thought) I love a good romance...

(Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement except Barry)

Barry - Romance is for girls. I want to read a book about God of the Old Testament. Fire, brimstone and judgement.

Cuthbert – Talking about people in church. I saw the other day that some people weren’t singing during the worship.

(Everyone is horrified)

Barry – Who were these infidels?

Cuthbert – Well, I don’t like to name names, but it was the worship leaders.

Barry – I’ll have their guts for garters (thumps his hands together with intent.)

Faith – Barry, we don’t go around slicing people up just because they don’t sing.

Hope – Maybe a short sharp beating, but definitely no more.

(Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement)

Doris – Well, I feel that’s been a thoroughly helpful leadership team meeting. Right, let’s get down the pub before we go to the bingo and the bookies. Everyone OK for tonight's clubbing?

(Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement)

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