This sketch is very similar to our sketch on mission! We’ve just adapted it slightly – being lazy and all.. why not do the same kind of thing with other sketches.. I’m sure you do already considering the poor quality of them!!
Stage directions
Basically, the point of this sketch is comparing 2 people who are parodies of the Parables and real encounters Jesus had with Pharisees full of their own religious-ness and self-importance – and men and women who were humble before God. In this sketch, Contestant 1 is matter of fact, plain speaking and Contestant 2 is writing whatever he thinks is most religious. The Contestants have a pen and paper each and speak what they write aloud.. This needs to be fast paced and energetic. Make the characters really big and lively.
The sketch
Pastor Paddy – Hi. My name’s Pastor Paddy. Welcome to our survey group about finding out who you are in Christ. Remember only one of you can win. We have 2 contestants today, both filling in their application form. Let’s see how they’re getting on..
Contestant 1 – Name. David George.
Contestant 2 – Name.. (Thinks) Je-zus Paul Stephen Moses Noah Elijah Chris-tian.. (initials JC).
Contestant 1 – Address.. Exeter, UK
Contestant 2 – Address.. A small stable near a small inn, Bethlehem, Israel.
Contestant 1 – Date of Birth – 1st October 1910
Contestant 2 – Date of Birth.. Don’t want to give that info. I’ll give the date of my rebirth.. in fact, I’ve been re-born several times since, in the Spirit..
Contestant 1 – Sex. Well, male
Contestant 2 – Sex. (before he can stop himself) Ah, this job description is improving all the time.. (corrects himself quickly) I mean, sex, what, no. I’m British for goodness sake. And besides it’s a sinful business..
Contestant 1 – Are you a Christian? I’m not really a very good Christian
Contestant 2 – Are you a Christian. (Pauses, looks at audience). Need you even ask? I mean look at me. I wear a smart cardigan, my jeans aren’t baggy and I love quiche and green cups and saucers, I’ve got the initials JC, my residence is Bethlehem in Israel – in a small, humble, stable. (Pauses, thinks and then writes quickly). And most importantly, I’m English..
Contestant 1 – Denomination of church? I don’t know. Don’t know what it means. Don’t think I have one. I’m just a Christian.
Contestant 2 – Denomination.. I have the lot.. I’m a Baptised Pentecostal Reformed Anglican Catholic with a fragrance of Methodism and a subtle hint of charismatic. (Pauses) And I’m a Jehovah’s Witness. (Pause, thinks). Just in case..
Contestant 1 – What Christian activity are you currently undertaking?’… (Pause, thinks about it) A questionnaire of course, bit of a silly question.
Contestant 2 – What Christian activity are you currently undertaking? What Christian activity aren’t I undertaking.. In the last month I’ve saved the whales, saved the rhino, given a large sum of money to Tearfund, which I don’t like to talk about, been able to bless my church by my higher than average church attendance, bought a packet of fair trade chocolate and last night in an eco-energy-saving-friendly moment, I even turned my TV from standby to off.
Contestant 1 – How do you feel about sex before marriage? That it’s wrong of course.. (Looks across at Contestant 2 who is muttering)
Contestant 2 – How do you feel about sex before marriage? (Pause, thinking about it to himself, unable to check himself again). Pessimistic (muttering – then suddenly sees Contestant 1 looking at him and changes into his holy tone again) – I mean, an abomination, wrong, wrong, wrong.. (Puts pen down firmly in deliberate act to show how committed he is to this thought).
Contestant 1 – Are you interested in serving in the UK or abroad? I don’t know, wherever God can use someone like me
Contestant 2 – Are you interested in serving in the UK or abroad? Well, wherever the sun shines and there are fit, canny lasses. Preferably ones called Beyonce. (Checks himself and writes). Wherever the Lord calls me, I shall go.. (looks to heaven in a holy, radiant, saint-like way)
Contestant 1 – Education. Done that already. Didn’t do very well though.
Contestant 2 – Education. Where shall I start? MA, MBA, NBA, PHD, OBE, BBC, ITV, SKY ONE
Contestant 1 – Degrees? I don’t have any degrees.
Contestant 2 – Degrees? Preferably above 30. I’d also like a private beach with palm trees, a slight breeze and of course some bread and non-alcoholic wine, to celebrate communion hourly.
Contestant 1 – Year of circumcision, if it’s not too personal? How much more personal do you want to get?
Contestant 2 – Year of circumcision if it’s not too personal? (Pause) I have been circumcised many times..
Contestant 1 – What are your spiritual gifts? I’m not sure I have any..
Contestant 2 – What are your spiritual gifts? I have the lot. There’s prophecy, healing, deliverance, raising the dead, sensing spirits (especially alcoholic ones), cleansing lepers, speaking fluently in eighteen dialects of native American Indian and eating fruit.
Pastor Paddy – Thank you gentlemen. We’ll let you know who was successful as soon as possible.
Points
What does it take to be Christ-like?
What are the characteristics of Christ?
How can we become more like Jesus?