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christmas

Note the point of this isn't about dissing the Christmas story at all but to give you a script so you can film and act out a deliberately poor quality movie in the style of one of those real bad kids performances. Be as wooden as you can when acting and in dialogue! Bear in mind this could also be used as a sketch.

(If you have the ability to 'blue' or 'green' screen, you can film this in different 'settings' - or ask someone who knows about this kind of editing / filming!)

This links with the Christmas Part 2 complete session.. Click here to jump there

(Fade in from black. Music. Titles. We used a crumpled up bit of paper with bad, misspelt writing on)
(Music plays pretty much through the whole piece. Decide what you like - some cheesy music is best. I used around 5 different pieces of music for the skit, changing with scenes or scripting)

Another hint is to use poor and brutal edits which make the actors seem to 'jump' or move badly between edits. Off-camera noise, people talking, whispering lines, forgetting lines.. whack it all in!!

Scene 1

Narrator - Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl and their names were Mary and Joseph. They were going to be married.

(During narration, cut to Mary & Joseph sitting looking at each other. Then..)

Joseph & Mary – (together) we love each other, we’re going to be married.

(Fade to black)

Scene 2

(Fade in from black)

Narrator - One day an angel appeared to Mary

(Mary doing her nails. Then cut to angel flying in flapping wings with ring around head. Sound FX, a harp glissando and some heavenly music)

Gabriel - I am Gabriel, an angel. You will have a baby boy and call him Jesus.

Mary – not another, I’ve already had three kids already, (this was specific to the youth leader playing Mary. You can use or edit with something similar). I mean.. OK then, as you say oh angel from heaven above

(Angel flaps off unconvincingly to music.)
(Fade to black)

Scene 3

(Fade in from black)

Narrator– One day Joseph saw that Mary was getting a bit fat.

Joseph – are you getting a bit fat?

(Mary hits him. Big sound effect at point of impact, I used a medium sized explosion!)

Mary – No, I am having a baby.

Joseph – How did this happen?

Mary - well, when a man and a woman love each other very much..

(Fade to black)

Scene 4

(Fade in from black)
(Cut audio on Mary and then bring up after narration)

Narrator – Mary explained that God had sent an Angel.

Joseph – sounds a bit funny to me but OK then Mary my lovely wife to be.

Together – we love each other

(Fade to black)

Scene 5

(Fade in from black)
(Cut to Mary & Joseph on a play horse for children - going 'clip clop' like a donkey)

Narrator - One day Mary and Joseph went to a new town. It was a horrible place, a bit like Plymouth (replace with local football rivals). Eventually they found a small farm and Mary had her baby.

(Cut to Mary sitting on her own and some unconvincing baby type noises)

Mary – (unconvincing) Ouch, oo, it hurts

Joseph - (watching TV) Shut up, don't be so noisy..

Mary - oo, the baby is coming (pulls cushion out from under top and throws it to the side out of camera shot)

(Bad edit of cushion then being replaced by a baby – show the hand coming in from off-camera and handing Mary a doll)

Mary - look it's a baby

Joseph - wow, isn't she lovely..

Mary - (whispers) He!

Joseph - wow, isn't he lovely..

Mary & Joseph – we love our baby. We love each other.

(Fade to black)

Scene 6

(Fade in from black)

Narrator – One day some shepherds came to visit

Shepherd - (Towel over head. Makes sound effects of a sheep 'baa, baa' - just in case you didn't know what noise sheep make..) Shh, be quiet Dolly.. Dolly, stay there.. (talking to a sheep)

Shepherd – I have come to visit the baby Jesus (Shepherd stands there, embarrassed silence)

(Continue filming here as shepherd walks away. This footage used later)

Joseph - it's a baby boy!

Shepherd - wow!

(Brutal edit to shepherd sitting smiling cheesily with Mary & Joseph, looking at camera. Baby falls on the floor)
(Shepherd then walks off - using the footage already taken of shepherd walking away)
(Fade to black)

Scene 7

(Fade in from black)

Narrator – And then some wise people came along

Wise Man – (wearing wise hat - a bit of paper with the words, 'Wise man' written on. It is upside down) We are wise men. The square root of 4 is 2. Yes.

(Cut to picture of Wise man with Mary & Joseph and baby - all sitting looking cheesily at camera)

Narrator – and that is the Christmas story of how Jesus was born.

(Fade to black)

Scene 8

(Fade in from black)
(Cue sound effect of applause)
(all actors stand there with cheesy grins on their faces for a few seconds and take a couple of uncomfortable bows)
(End titles, again badly written on a crumpled up piece of paper)

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